4 Days at St. Gregory's Abbey

I spent the last four days at St. Gregory's Abbey in Three Rivers, MI. I arrived in time for breakfast Monday, and celebrated every hour of prayer while I was there. It was wonderful. Below I am posting my journal record during my stay.

Schedule
4am - Matins
6am - Lauds
Breakfast until 7:30am
8:15am - Terce (third hour), Mass, Chapter
Work Period 1
11:30am - Sext (sixth hour) + Choir Rehearsal
12pm - Lunch
Rest Period
2pm - None (ninth hour)
Work Period 2
4:30pm - Tea
5pm - Vespers and Meditation
6pm - Supper
7:45 - Compline

Monday
Terce and Mass were beautiful. Everything, even most of the prayers (but not the great thanksgiving), is chanted slowly. Gloria to the Trinity after every Psalm. Fr. J. always prays so fast. To pray the prayers slowly, soaking in the depths of the words' meaning was SO helpful.

Today we were exhorted to almsgiving and works of mercy. Matthew 25 gospel lesson. These are necessary for salvation.

Lunch was good. I wait outside the refectory (dining hall) until the lunch bell, when I am invited in. Lunch begins with prayer standing, and ends the same way. At the end of the meal a bell is rung, and we all stand for prayer, after which we bow to the reader. A book is read at lunch (for now it is Team of Rivals: the political genius of Abraham Lincoln by Lawrence Kearns Goodwin, about Abe Lincoln and his political associates).

Dinner was delicious! We had fruit salad and bread.

How thankful I am for Christ's incarnation. "Holy and gracious Father, in your infinite love you made us for yourself, and when we had fallen into sin and become subject to evil and death, you in your mercy sent Jesus Christ, your only and eternal son, to share our human nature, to live and die as one of us, to reconcile us to you, the God and Father of all." Wow! Jesus suffered trials for us, without sin, to give us the victory.

Tuesday
Praise the Lord! I got up today at 3:47am to go to Matins at 4am, Lauds at 6am. Some of my morning psalms were prayed in church. I asked Father W. to hear my confession after Lauds, but he asked me to wait till later in the day, after the greater silence. I cleaned up after Matins and shaved. Breakfast after Lauds. Then I picked up 2 books from the library - the first book of the Philokalia (never before checked out), and a book on Theosis in the Greek fathers.

I am exceedingly thankful to God for this retreat. It is such a blessing. I think the brothers read from either the NRSV or the New Jerusalem bibles. Chanting is very easy to catch. Chant is slow, not too fast, as we pore over the Psalms' Grail translation.

I just confessed my sins to Father W., and it was good. He told me to remember God's greatness and our present share in heaven's glory. He gave me Psalm 8 to read as my penance. I think I'll do this daily, maybe twice.

I love this week's collect - we pray it every prayer hour:

"Almighty God, whose blessed Son was led by the Spirit to be tempted by Satan: Come quickly to help us who are assaulted by many temptations; and, as you know the weaknesses of each of us, let each one find you mighty to save: through Jesus Christ our Lord, who is alive and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, forever and ever. Amen."

"Unless a man hates all the activity of this world, he cannot worship God." -St. Isaiah the solitary

Wednesday

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A series of haiku poems for every hour of the day:

"He Has Made Everything Beautiful in Its Time"

Pray to God in quiet,
speak your heart but not your lips:
life as sound as night.

Pearl of greatest price:
"Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me,"
saves me from all vice.

Rise before the dawn,
walk to church in the dark,
call upon God's arm.

Go back to your cell,
make your bed look really nice,
pray until next bell.

Steady with your lips,
shout in silence with your heart,
back to cell depart.

Read till terce and mass,
not quite yet to break your fast;
read, but not too fast.

Eat Jesus' body,
drink his blood for salvation:
what divine humiliation!

Read history prescribed,
till fill of knowledge imbibed,
then to church in stride.

Go to church for sext,
not knowing what comes next,
by noises we are vexed.

Lunch, O what delight:
beans, condiments, Indian rolls
fill my appetite.

Walk in woods so steep,
get lost along the lakeside,
go to bed to sleep.

Go to church for none,
missing but four, three, two, one,
singing in unison.

Read again till tea:
history and then part three;
work's no mystery.

Tea and milk so sweet --
quite a delightful treat;
two cups, then we meet.

Four psalms to the Lord
sung in turn, in one accord;
how blessed God's word!

Till compline pray and read
the fathers' wisdom heed,
just what my soul needs.

Gather for night prayer --
we confess our disrepair;
chanting fills the air.
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"Truly, when the day of judgment comes, we shall not be examined as to what we have read, but what we have done (Matt. 25); not how well we have spoken, but how we have lived." -Thomas a Kempis

Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner! Please give me zeal for good works, especially for works of mercy!

Possibly the most fascinating feature of the monks is their dispassion. Little emotion is expressed or exchanged. They rarely smile. But I am certain they have joy and peace within. They are merely keeping the door of communication closed, as to keep the warmth of the fire inside. The value of solitude is preserved, so little is exchanged. Stillness is also preserved in this way.

The hours of prayer with chant are fascinating, in the strongest sense of the word. The psalms are chanted slowly, in good unison. Not one voice stands our by mis-pace or exceeding volume. Before terce, in matins and lauds, psalms are read. Beginning with terce they are chanted. They are prayed antiphonally. Each side takes a verse, taking turns.

I myself have found dispassion in quietude. There's no one to smile at but God, to whom my heart smiles. Perhaps in this way I fool the demons.

Praise the Lord! Continual prayer is no longer a burden, but a delightful habit. Thanks be to God for his indescribably gift!

Thursday
Today I was visited, in the morning, by the deluder, just as I was warned by St. Evagrios Pontikos. He led me to think of C. coming to visit the monastery with me, and begin making plans. He also led me to think about this coming Lord's day, how S. and M. would join me to church. I was nearly deceived by self-esteem when it was suggested to me that "they would see me at my best." They may as well see me at my worst, for I lead worship not to impress others by my words, but to lead them to the Lord.

Give me, O Lord, discernment about these demons and let me name them when they come again, and call upon your name for help. Forgive me for worrying about tomorrow, for tomorrow can worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I was deluded at breakfast time.

I just met with Father W. for spiritual counsel. I asked him how I might prevent the passions from re-entering me or get rid of them if they lie dormant. He told me that the character of passions is that they come from within us, but, at times seem to come from without. He also said that there is no such things as eradication of the passions from us. It is a life-long battle, he said.

Father W. also said that fighting the passions is a greater emphasis in the Eastern rite churches, where sanctification is more intellectual, sterile, and dry. In the west, however, we have a greater emphasis on the good passions - love of God, for example - when our relationship to God is quite an erotic love affair.

I was told that going on retreat for a week will not get rid of my passions. No surprise, John Cassian said the same thing - solitude from others may only let the passions lie dormant, but they can flare up in an instant.

I was told that I could avoid evil passions by practicing good habits, and not watering the weeds, so to speak (not dwelling on irritation when they are absent).